Friday, September 2, 2011


I just genuinely don't know what is going on in my life. The past few days I keep encountering tiny bursts of emotions for no apparent reason. Listening to music and thinking about art makes me want to cry. And last night when I was with a couple of friends, I all of  sudden felt the overwhelming need to tell them how much I love them. Most days I find myself feeling happy and incredibly empty all at the same time. I've realized that I'm depressed in the absence of people and in my opinion that is a very dangerous place to be. I don't like that dependence, because you can't rely on people for your own happiness and it makes me especially scared when I think about leaving for college and being thrown into this unfamiliar environment where I literally have no one. But deep down that's all I want to do. But on the other hand, I've been "finding myself" lately, so to say. They say that happens when you enter the college years. I suppose it's true. I'm excited for the different ways I've been interacting with God and learning of his grace and challenging myself to be a person who looks more like Jesus. It's not always easy {in fact, most of the time it isn't} but it feels really, really wonderful. Maybe the reason I'm getting so overwhelmed with my life is because it is MY life and I'm thinking about myself far too much. I've been listening to a lot of lies lately when the truth is I just want to live life for little malnutritioned African darlings.

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