Sunday, February 27, 2011

Entirely challenged by Oswald, (again)

I have read pages in "My Utmost for His Highest" that have really spoken to me and given me wisdom before, but I don't think I have ever come across something that has ever made me want to change my attitude so much as this. I am beyond the shadow of a doubt convicted. I'm going to post the whole devotional page, and I'm sorry if that's too long for you. But I'm trying to get the whole point across because is so important. All of it.

"Heedfulness or Hypocrisy in Ourselves?"
[my firefox spellcheck is trying to tell me heedfulness is not a word....hmmm...]

   If we are not heedful and pay no attention to the way the Spirit of God works in us, we will become spiritual hypocrites. We see where other people are failing, and then we take our discernment and turn it into comments of ridicule and criticism, instead of turning it into intercession on their behalf. God reveals this truth about others to us not through the sharpness of our minds but through the direct penetration of His Spirit. If we are not attentive, we will be completely unaware of the source of the discernment God has given us, becoming critical of others and forgetting that God says, "...he will ask, and He will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death." (1 John 5:16) Be careful that you dont become a hypocrite by spending all your time trying to get others right with God before you worship Him yourself.
   One of the most subtle and illusive burdens God ever places on us as saints is this burden of discernment concerning others. He gives us discernment so that we may accept the responsibility for those souls before Him and form the mind of Christ about them (see Philippians 2:5). We should intercede in accordance with what God says He will give us, namely, "life for those who commit sin not leading to death." It is not that we are able to bring God into contact with our minds, but that we awaken ourselves to the point where God is able to convey His mind to us regarding the people for whom we intercede.
   Can Jesus Christ see the agony of His soul in us? He can't unless we are so closely identified with Him that we have His view concerning the people for whom we pray. May we learn to intercede so wholeheartedly that Jesus Christ will be completely and overwhelmingly satisfied with us as intercessors. 
{this is March 31 for anyone who wants to look at it in their own books}

After reading this a couple of nights ago, I had so many overwhelming thoughts about it. I immediately thought of the people who are around me that had things in their lives I would always ridicule. And instead of judging them, I decided to pray for them; that they would find full life through God instead of through their bad decisions. I don't want to judge people anymore or talk about them, and I don't want to be the cynic. Everyone's got their crap. I'm sure there are things that I do which you guys (my friends) absolutely cannot stand. And that's ok. Pray about it and pray for my heart. I never thought of seeing the brokenness in others as something that is good or God giving me "discernment" because I actually see it fairly often among people and now I can have a more prayerful attitude towards it. 
Only through God can a burden become a gift.

Thursday, February 24, 2011


I just ordered a nose stud. I'm gonna do it myself. Don't hate. I'm a control freak.

I love this man.


is a disgusting thing. yet we are all guilty.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

motions of mediocrity

Sometimes I think I'm interesting, but now I wish I were and it's a strange thing to wish when I had previously thought I was but now I am not and I act weird when I meet new people and I hope they think I'm interesting and maybe I am but maybe I am not. I try to pick up on the characteristics of charming people and maybe that's pathetic and maybe I'm trying to be something I'm not and I try try try and it just leaves me empty because it's exhausting and I just want people to like me but there is always someone better and I suppose that's just how life is but maybe there is someone out there who will find me more interesting than anyone else because I will be their other half and they will be mine and I wont have to strive. And they will see me and hear my dreams and think they're excellent because I really do have plans but right now I'm just going through the motions of mediocrity. Just because life isn't bad does not make it good. Is "good" what is left when there is no more bad, or is bad the lack of good?

Sunday, February 20, 2011

"I had a lover's quarrel with the world."

Friday, February 18, 2011

"Jesus promised his disciples three things -- they would be completely fearless, absurdly happy, and in constant trouble."

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

A note to my friend named Coffee.

Dear Coffee,
I wish my lack of headaches were not dependent on my consumption of you.

Via Laura Reitzel

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I really really love playing piano. And egg shakers. I wish I could play the violin and guitar.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

sacrificial obedience

Sometimes I have impromptu weeping it makes me feel better because at least I'm getting it out. I tend to be bubbled up with emotions on a pretty regular basis. They aren't always bad emotions. Just...emotions. And lots of em. Right now I'm facing realities that God has put before me and I don't really know what He's doing but I suppose that's not really for me to know, now is it. What if you had to leave everything you once knew and no longer care for yourself. What if I don't want to get uncomfortable. At least I have friends that I can spill my mess onto and they don't mind and they speak wisdom to me. Taylor told me we're really not on this earth to be comfortable and we really wont have the capability to love others who we were called to love and serve if we don't first fall in love with God. I'm processing a lot these days.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

after the storm.

There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
Where love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there
with grace in your heart
and flowers in your hair.

That's why I hold with all I have.


Monday, February 7, 2011


If you're friends with my brother [or your not] you should follow his blog cause he just made one and he's a good writer alrighty goodbye.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Au revoir a ma copine

I'm sipping on vanilla soy milk and Whitney is gone for good. I would like to say my milk is cold, but it's become room temperature. I wish for all of my friends' hearts to be at peace, but that's not reality and we knew this day would come. I wish I could comfort you but your heart is torn into itty bitty pieces and you know it's going to take a while to put it back together. And I don't even know who will put it back together, for that matter, but I'll always be your friend and I love you like a brother. Laughter and cheer is the way to go, if you ask me. Shameless stories left me in tears. They say laughter is the best medicine and I have no choice but to believe them.

one word.

brb, gonna go try out for a zombie movie.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

VOGUE 2010

I found this on Joseph Gordon-Levitt's tumblr and thought it was so cool -- the covers of every Vogue issue of 2010, from every country, laid on top of each other. It's sort of funny how the cover of Vogue is always so glamorous, so prestigious. And yet here they are, all laid together, into one luminous blob. It's a really neat project and a great idea though. I've always loved Vogue. <3