With everyone writing their "secrets" on big posters for the Anonymous show I kinda felt like getting one off of my chest.
It's a shame that I'm the insecure, jealous type. I'm really scared of my friends replacing me or coming to find that they don't care about me in the same way that I care about them. I guess it just makes sense because it's happened before more than once. What if they find something better than me? I don't want to let myself feel like I'm special to anyone because I'll probably come to find out that I'm not. I don't want to be let down. I don't want to invest my emotions into someone just so that I can find out they feel the same way about me as they do with all their other friends. So I put up a lot of walls. And I don't want to be vulnerable. But I wish I weren't so paranoid and I wish I could be happy and relaxed with my friendships. I just need to stop being a wuss, fearlessly love people, and get my shit together, I guess. I have the loveliest friends in the world and I couldn't ask for better ones. They aren't the problem. It's all me.
my love, trusting others with love with always be an obstacle. i also find myself being paranoid that i care about my friends more than they care about me. its hard, and event though your blaming this matter on yourself, just know that there's nothing wrong with feeling this way. trust me, you aren't alone by any means. i love you.
ReplyDeletei love you els! and you will definitely always be special to me.... i mean you're the only other girl i've been confused as before i even knew you. :).
ReplyDeleteelsbeth, i love you. a lot. i probably don't tell you that enough. so, i will say it again. i love you! i actually know exactly how you feel. i always feel super replacable and like if i just dropped off of the face of the earth eveything would be the same. it's a sucky feeling, i know. but, i love being around you. you bring something to the table that no one else does. your energy is not replacable. you are wonderfully made and His works are PERFECT. there is no one like you, elsbeth mccormick. i love you!
ReplyDeleteyou guys are all really uplifting and i love you a lot :)
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