listening to classical music

starts now.
or whatever you call this :)

I'm trying to convince my mom to adopt an asian baby...

boing

new old art

17/18th century drawings from Black Swan Books

 Etsy

Snowed.

my wittle christmas twee

Get in presence of family. Hit record.

 

As my dad and I discuss a new ipod for Christmas, my mom begins to complain about her post-op scar.

An essay by Einstein.

How strange is the lot of us mortals. Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving... 
I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible. 
My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude...
The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling. 
The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature.
-Albert Einstein.


If you read all of that, I'm proud. If you read it twice like you need to in order to actually understand it, I'm extra proud.
Philosophy, philosophy.

But on the bright side!

Been working on some art.

4 days.

until break. I'm dying. as you can see.

aaaand I forgot to turn in an assignment due Friday. It's gone now. Second time I've done this within the last week. No second chances in this anthro class!! oh well. Welcome to college.

The Difference In the Shades

I find that life is easier when it's just a blur
with no details to confuse who or what or where I was
so when the ending comes the full regret will seem obscure
but these are days we dream about when the sunlight paints us gold
and this apartment could not be prettier as we danced up there alone.
Do you see the
difference in the shades?
but the green is still close to green, my love
and I believe we are the same
and we’ll stay like this, all gold and green.


Now I remember why I fell in love with Conor Oberst and listened to Bright Eyes non stop for years.

What my mom said to me this morning

"I feel like your body is here in Richmond, but your soul is in Montreal" hahah yes, it's official...I wake up every morning telling my mom what the temperature is in Montreal because I've set my desktop weather thing to that location. Gahhh I can't wait to go this summer.

 

Eeeee! This area is called Vieux Montréal [Old Montreal]

Very interesting

Thank you Kelly Gumm.

Body Image PSA from Vianca Lugo on Vimeo.

I'm in love.

www.modcloth.com

Cheery Sufjan song to start off the Christmas season right!

Thanksgiving!

Even though my brother was in Long Island it was still fun with my God family coming over.

really bad quality picture [taken with my phone] of the pumpkin cheesecake I made. Everyone loved it!

 Mom and "Uncle" Mark.

We stuffed ourselves. Went on a stroll through the neighborhood. Talked. Then they left and I caught some Kung Fu Panda with my dad :) good day.

clean clean clean

I feel like I'll never finish all that I have started.

The earth laughs in flowers.

I wonder how long it takes all those daisies to grow.

As bad of an idea that this may be...

I think I am going to just go ahead and pierce my own nose. I sort of did it like a week ago but then realized it was dumb because I didn't have anything to put in it. Soo I need to go get a ring, then I'll do it. I've looked it up and it's fine as long as you're clean...not to mention I handle needles everyday so I'd rather just do it myself.
[control freak]

I got to see Roberto and Rachel via skype!! yay. They're coming into town for Thanksgiving. Precious Brazilians.

As I sigh...

My Eto'o bracelet that Lauren got me in Cameroon is unwinding. It's my favorite bracelet you know.

::

I spent about an hour looking at residence things for Mcgill. Each click made my anxiety level go up. It's what I want...but at the same time, I think about the point at which I'll be saying "Hi, I'm moving to Canada in a month. a week. tomorrow. Alone." That's scary.

::

I'm not talking to my dad. He's trying to act like things are okay. 

Trust me. They're not.

::

Kelly Gumm is my passive aggressive partner in crime.

::

Now I choose whether or not to dwell on these things...as "The Scientist" comes through my Pandora playlist. Two words: Wicker Park. Oh of course...it's a live version, which allows me to hear the emotional trembling of Chris Martin's beautiful voice. 

c r y

Just sayin....

I was in Anthropologie last night with Kelly and they had adorable outfits for toddlers. Between that and "Wee People" [http://www.freepeople.com/wee-people/]...I'm about to get knocked up. Is that bad?

!!!!!!

new laptop!!

No, it is not a mac.

Merry Christmas?

Thing in a jar.

This makes me chuckle. And sounds like something I would do.

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1SGxDN/www.traipse.com/thing_in_a_jar/

Sonnet to Science

Science! true daughter of Old Time thou art!
Who alterest all things with thy peering eyes.
Why preyest thou thus upon the poet's heart,
Vulture, whose wings are dull realities?
How should he love thee? or how deem thee wise?
Who wouldst not leave him in his wandering
To seek for treasure in the jewelled skies,
Albeit he soared with an undaunted wing?
Hast thou not dragged Diana from her car?
And driven the Hamadryad from the wood
To seek a shelter in some happier star?
Hast thou not torn the Naiad from her flood,
The Elfin from the green grass, and from me
The summer dream beneath the tamarind tree?
 -Poe

How I often feel.

Ray

I love this man. Give him a listen. This is a cover of Gnarls Barley's "Crazy" and if you've heard the original...you might find this amusing. because they're so different. But it works :)

Some of these big time bloggers seem a little self centered...if you think really think about it...no matter how "creative" and glorious we think their lives are.

Sunday morning findings

Everything can change when you pay attention to what God is doing in your life instead of paying attention to what He hasn't done.

So last night I went to Harvest Renewal because my dad told me there would be 3 men there from South Africa talking who have a church down there where a ton of supernatural stuff is going on like raising people from the dead. They really just have the power of God in them and child-like faith. God spoke a lot to me through them. I always get impatient during worship if I'm not feeling God and then one of the men got up and started talking about "waiting on the Lord" like it says to do in the Bible. He said "When God said 'wait on the Lord', that's not some strange translation. He meant wait. It's in our human nature to try and control the Holy Spirit." and this is sort of a concept I never considered. Too often I just give up and say ok God, you're not gonna do anything so peace out, you know?
They were funny guys and I really liked them. They said some other things that touched me but I can't remember them at the moment... then they did prayer after. I realized that it's really only a mutual love for Jesus Christ that can bring you weeping into the arms of a stranger. I hate crying in front of people. I really do. It makes me feel insecure and weak. But something about getting prayed for and having the Holy Spirit come over me just makes me cry like a baby. I think I'm a very emotional person inside. They wanted to pray for healing in people and so I opened up about some stuff. It was weird spilling the beans on traumatic things that had happened in my past. Especially to someone I had never met and having them pray with me. I think it was good for me though. I don't regret it. 

If you saw Inception this summer

and you're interested in diving deeper into the plot, click this link. It will blow your mind. If you haven't seen it...definitely don't click this. But go see it. It's at The Byrd right now. Adieu <3
here here here!!

recent photos

 pumpkin bread :)

 view from my bedroom window after the garbage truck engulfed in flames

Sweeney Todd and Ms. Lovett killing their butterfly.

The song Hoppipolla makes me want to cry

...and it's all Vanilla Sky's fault.

I wish I sung with a British accent

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Some employees from Free People are reading this book called The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I really want to read it and they've been blogging different quotes from it. I love this one:

‎"The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful."

 Bon weekend!

Funny story.

My mom pulled this coat out that I wore in elementary school and I put it on, trying to convince her that it still fit (joking). When I put my hands in the pockets, I found this note from 4th or 5th grade:
The outside says 3 different things --

"Don't let Lorraine see this" 

(I went to elementary school with her, I have noo idea why I specifically didn't want her to see this note)

DO NOT READ THIS NOTE OUT LOUD! 

and 

To: Brennan. From: Elsbeth

(my crush)

"Do you like me? because everybody is saying that you do and I want to know the truth from you. don't say anything out loud, just write it on the paper and give it back to me."

I DIED. hahahahaha. so elementary school. There's no answer on the paper so I probably never got the courage to give it to him. But I seriously don't remember writing this. It made my night though.

Whew

Ok...I got a 75 on the dreaded Anthropology midterm. That's still a C on the college grading scale (maybe even a C+?) Not proud of it, but it could be worse! As long as I didn't fail an exam that scared the sh*t out of me, I'm good.

cooookies

So these are the Halloween cookies that I made the other day. They were cute :)

Boo. Meow.

They were yum yum. The ghost ones had cinnamon and the kitties had orange sprinkles.

On another note: Richmond, you're a tease. A TEASE! one minute the sun is out, and then it's a downpour. Ooo weee oo.

Things things things

I have too many things.

patter about this and that.

   Anthropology sends you a postcard to tell you that you didn't get the job. How sweet of them. Ha, I mean...I knew you had to be 18 but went to the interview anyway. Oooh well. I'll probably be on the hunt for a small café or bakery to find my employment in. My parents are supportive in my needs, but I was born independent and that's just where I'm comfortable. Supporting myself. I'll end up where I'm supposed to be, but hopefully it's in the near future. Yesterday Austin asked me how my school year was going so far, and I hadn't really thought about it up until that point. It's going well! I didn't think I would be able to balance everything like I have. Getting schooled by 3 sources and still hanging at church 3 days a week (not to mention capital ale every Monday ;) Trust me, it's not by my own strength.
   One thing I AM having a hard time balancing out is books to read. So I started reading the Bible from the beginning because I've never read the whole thing. My Bible reading has been sporadic and random; there's a ton of stuff I haven't read. Especially Old Testament. And when people say "you know in the story of ____ where he ____etc."...I want to know that story and find it relatable. Another motive is the fact that I never truly feel close to Jesus. It's so up and down to where it doesn't even seem like there's a point to the ups. I don't like that feeling. And I guess keeping up with the Bible [which I don't normally do] is a good way to keep out of a "spiritual funk," Soooo there is that and then I'm also trying to get through the Narnia series just because novels are sort of my first love but I also want to stay committed to this Bible reading. I'm on Prince Caspian and I want to get through it and then finish Voyage of the Dawn Treader before the movie comes out this winter! Geek alert. Friends who like to read: any suggestions on finding time to stick with your Bible aaand a wonderful novel? Maybe this is something really simple and I'm just a terrible multi-tasker. Such is life.

Tati and I were talking about books the other day when we hung out and we both sort of have dreams about having a big library one day. Ahh wouldn't that be the best? I like to think so :) We went downtown to Diversity Thrift to scope out some vintage furniture for her new place. We picked out an ivory chair that was verrry pretty. And then about 6 or 7 books. Let me tell you...if you're looking for some antiques this place is amazing. They had this huge wooden armoir for $200. And then this gorgeous vanity that came with a tall rustic dresser and side table all for extremely cheap. Go check it out. I need a desk and I told my mom that we're definitely going there. It's perfect.

I found more pictures of Mcgill.. :)

via google earth.
Oh good Lord. I wouldn't mind living here at all.

 Sorry there's so many, I just got excited ♥

Oh, the height and depth of mercy.

Oh, the length and breadth of love.

Oh, the fullness of redemption.

Happy October!

This weekend was great :) A bunch of kids from college came home. Friday night I went to Kathryn's house with some people and we put in Iron Man 2..which actually turned into us talking the whole time. And by that I mean me shaking my head at Destry's douchebag-ness towards poor Julie hahah and hearing all the boys comment on Scarlet Johansson's hot bod. Saturday I went out to lunch with them (Kathryn Elizabeth Alex Julie Connor Colin Sissy Jesse) at Chipotle. Later I went to Lauren's house and cried laughing after 10 minutes of making up raps for her bunny and dancing around. Then we stopped by sweet frog to see everyone mentioned above and headed over to Taylor Moore's house...later joined by Luke. It was so cold and wonderful. We layed in his cul-de-sac, got yelled at by Mrs. Moore for it, played with Chloe, poncho life, etc. then I dropped Lauren off at home and my night was over. I love this weather!! aaahh. OH, and Jamal is engaged!!!! No big deal!!

box from France

I love when my parents actually understand me, my likes, and my style. Because I don't feel like that happens very often. My dad works with this lady that goes to France pretty often because her daughter lives there and she always brings back stuff for my family like Belgian chocolates. So she recently went and like always, got some chocolates to give my dad. When my dad got home from work he showed me the box they came in and said he thought I'd like it because it was cute and had French written on it. And said I could put my paint brushes in it. Score one for you dad. It's frickin adorable.

:)

I just got a call from Anthro! I have an interview Tuesday morning! Wish me luck :)
Speaking of...

ahh gasp.

Yay

Just finished my Mother Theresa portrait.

I have incredible expectations of people and it only does me harm.

It's time

I came to the realization today that I don't want to spend my college years anywhere except McGill University in Montreal. I still plan on taking a year off once senior year is over, but if I really am going to make this happen...I have to start getting SO serious about school, figuring out scholarships, french, figuring out scholarships, saving money, getting grants, loans, figuring out scholarships...oh yeah, and figuring out scholarships. I am the wwwooorrsttt person at sticking to something and committing. I just have a really hard time doing it. I give up easily and I don't know why. But I really want this. So friends, please pray that I can stay focused on what I need to do! It's going to take a miracle. Seriously. Au revoir de maintenant.

So I was having a dream about skipping class this morning. Then I woke up really wanting to skip class. I looked at the clock and realized it was 3 minutes before I was supposed to leave for JT. Convenient, aye? *snore* *ZZzzzz*

I know this is supposed to go outside but...

I sort of want to buy this (when I have money) and hang it in my room and make things all cozy-like. So.
Lookie here.

Butterflies and Biology

Unfortunately I found that lovely thing deceased in my car :( Made for a good photo though.